Being Present

     We all have times in our lives when we need to be present, attend something. In school, we had to be present more days than not. At work, you have to be present in order to keep your job. We're present for weddings, funerals, parties, church services and staff meetings. But how often are we just present - just with - people? Ya know...just to be there.

     Moment of full disclosure: I struggle to be present. Often times, even when I'm physically sitting with someone, I may not be mentally there. My mind wanders and thinks of what I need to do next. No, I don't have ADD or ADHD. I've been tested. I just struggle to focus on one thing at a time. But I'm working on being present.

     Here's what made me realize I need to work more on that. Let me give you a little background knowledge by making a long story short. 30 years ago this December, my parents and I were in a car accident. My dad suffered a severe head injury which drastically changed the next 29 1/2 years of his life. The part of his brain most severely damaged was the part that senses pain. So he would burn his arm on the barrel while burning leaves and not know it or cut himself while working in the garage and have no clue. It led to needing emergency surgery on his appendix because he couldn't feel that anything was wrong, 2 broken hips that never hurt him and a broken shoulder that didn't register with him. Most recently, it led to one of the hardest things I've dealt with in my life - the death of my father.

     The past few years, he's been unable to drive. My mom grew up in Chicago and never needed to drive (and honestly would struggle to find her way out of a wet paper bag so it's best for her not to drive or she'd be lost in a heartbeat). So I've been their primary source of transportation. I'm sad to admit there have been times I didn't want to. There were times I'd get frustrated because they were so slow. The last time I got to be present with my dad that he knew I was there was February 17. I took them to run and errand and an ambulance had to take him to the hospital because he became unresponsive. I had just gotten over influenza B so I wasn't able to visit him until February 21, his last day on earth.

     Since that horrible night, I've witnessed people being present. Friends and family have come to just sit with my mom. My aunt has come to drive my mom places. People have called. Neighbors have visited. People have just sat and let her cry while they listened. The common thing I've witnessed is the fact that they were not only physically present but they were also mentally present. They didn't have their noses in their cell phones, they weren't distracted by TV or anything else. They were focused on my mom. We've been working on being more present, too. We've spent the last two Sundays taking her out just to get away. We've shared meals and ice cream. We've seen sunsets. We've laughed together. We've just been there for her.

     One of the biggest hindrances to being present with people these days seems to be the ability to be connected no matter where you are. The majority of people today have smart phones. A lot of those people keep their noses so stuck to those screens that they don't even realize there are other people in the room. Social media, games, apps...being so connected can be dangerous. I've learned something I've really always known: you never know when it's going to be your last day with someone. Be present now. Listen to them. Be patient with them. Tell them you love them. If you need to, forgive them. Or ask for forgiveness. But be present. Your phone doesn't need you, your Facebook and Instagram feeds will still be there. Trust me. I go hours without picking up my phone and everything is right there when I pick it up...and I realize it's not usually anything important. People are the ones that need you. I'd give anything for one more "I love you, Dad" followed by, "I do too" and then a little chuckle and an "I love you too." Don't wait until it's too late.